Jeremy Clarkson reviews Norway

Jeremy Clarkson of BBC’s Top Gear reviews Norway (oh, and the Mercedes ML 320).

Perhaps difficulty with communication is why the hotel room in which I stayed had a fold-out whiteboard nailed above the bed: so guests can use diagrams and cave drawings to explain to their girlfriends what they have in mind next.

I can’t imagine the whiteboard is for any sort of management meeting because in the whole of human history Norway’s only contributions have been the paperclip and the cheese slicer. Only Australia has achieved less, with the rotary washing line.

The worst thing about this car, though, is the gearlever. It’s mounted on the steering column, a system popularised in America when teenage boys and girls needed to cuddle up at the drive-in. But ignored in Europe because we tend to get out of the car to watch films. And have sex.

The verdict, then, on the M-class is pretty much the same as my verdict on Norway. Efficient and good fun, but odd and too expensive.

34 thoughts on “Jeremy Clarkson reviews Norway

  1. fatalicus

    hehe, i read that one on nrk.no and timesonline.co.uk
    much of what he says is true though.. like this part:

    And to make sure this happens you’re limited to 4mph and the roads are littered with forward-facing speed cameras that go off in a burst of blinding red light so intense it can strip all the paint off the front of your car. They don’t take your licence for speeding over there. They take your sight.

    damn i hate those things..

  2. Devang

    ha… That is why I love Top Gear, Clarkson is amazingly good at pointing out the real cultural idiocies with almost all parts of the world, doing it with authority, and offcourse, his linguistic ability.

    Only in his world is switzerland made more humorous than the US. The french have it the worst though…

  3. Ole M. Olsen

    Ah yes… it’s very pleasant to be a Norwegian abroad and be able to poke fun at the home country. I’ve tried it myself. It still looks silly. 😉

  4. Aussie Dan

    Hey, Dont be dissin Australia!

    We had:
    The rotary washing line
    The Electric Drill
    Polymer Bank Notes
    and most importantly the Wine Cask!

  5. Randall Box

    Jeremy Clarkson wouldn’t know a good car from a hole in his arse.Let him come to Alabama and do an honest days work in the Mercedes Plant there.Bet he wouldn’t last a day. It is the job of the team there, to build the build the best automobile possible,while always making improvements on a daily basis.We build with what materials we have. We don’t design, engineer, or make the parts, We put them together and do a damn good job. You can’t take a stack of turds and build a castle, It’s still stack of turds, But we will stack them well.A lot of the problems we hear about, are parts that are supplied to us from other sources,Some are probably from Brits.And as far as the Cotton pickers here, some of our fathers fought to save your arses during the wars.And a far as the price of our vechicle being to high, If he were a better writer, he may be offered a job that pays enough for him to afford one. And thats the bottom line, because the Mercedes Team members said so!

  6. Dave

    Randall, I would bet my life savings that Clarkson earnes more money that you do. He also does not care about how difficult your job is or how bad the parts you are supplied with are. He cares about cars and how well they drive. What cars have you driven that you can compare to ones you drive around inside a factory, not many I reckon.

  7. dave

    If i had a choice between a ford GT and a Mercedes ML 320 i would do a Clarkson and take the GT, its not as if he`s not rich, its a question of he ought to know what to take and if his opinion is that the merc is crap so be it. i`d rather trust his opinion than the unbiased opinion of a Mercedes worker. i wouldn`t buy one anyway you did use jewish labour during the holocaust as your slaves. jeremy is a legend and makes the best programme on BBC 2, leave him alone. you don`t need to be a geek like randall box to tell a good car from a bad car, and Clarkson does it best.

  8. Slav

    Only in his world is switzerland made more humorous than the US. The french have it the worst though…
    And thats the bottom line, because the Mercedes Team members said so!

  9. Max

    Interesting to note that everyone seems to find Clarkson at least a little funny, except for redneck Randall, who decided instead to try and be abusive. Kind of shows up who lacks a sense of humour, but then, not all of us have to look forward to marrying our sister and working in the Mercedes plant in Alabama!

    As for the car, well, since Clarkson does in fact earn a considerable amount of money for reviewing cars, and, unsurprisingly knows a fair bit about them, I think Ill go with his opinion over that of redneck Randall, however, Ill hold fire on my opinion of Norway until Iv been there.

  10. Brendan

    Randall, as a former ML 270 owner, I would heartily agree with the “stack of turds” description you gave. I was very glad to see the back of it… However, I do disagree with your opinion of Clarkson – did you realise that he owns, in addition to his Ford GT, a Merc SLK AMG 55, and is a previous owner of the SL AMG 55…

    Clarkson may not like your ML (and I have never met anyone who does) but he is not anti MB, and with the thick end of $300k’s worth of cars, does rather well as a writer I would think. For the record, his current book was topping the best-sellers chart in the UK over christmas.

  11. Mag

    Funny text though, but Norway has more to offer:

    Exploding harpoon: Why Greenpeace hate Norway

    The gas turbine (jet engine): Made it possible for Jon to travel to SF in less than 2 years 😉

    Patent on “transmission of pictures, still as well as moving, without the necessity of putting it on film”: makes you see me on TV =)

  12. Al

    Randall,

    Do you not know who Clarkson is? My god man, the guy is loaded – he owns stuff like a GT2. I’m pretty sure he can afford any of the ‘falls apart in 5 minutes’ junk that Mercedes produces!

    The guy is an absolute genius.

  13. bob

    Norway may be odd and too expensive, but it’s importnat to rember that Clarkson is a complete tosser.

  14. MadBob

    Actually, Randall’s sister turned him down!

    And Clarkson is a windbag (but a very funny windbag)

  15. Jim

    It appears Clarkson is one of a long line of humorists that get their material by making fun of people. In Amerca, we have thousands of them. They never make it big because they have no real talent and their insecurities show through in their material. It is quite sad really. I hope Clarkson gets better.

  16. Fred Herrmann

    Jeremy Clarkson’s review of the Jaguar XK is a hoot! Typical Brit/Euro snobbery. But a car that is twice as fast and half the money (the ‘vette.) –and get out of its way!

  17. Fred Herrmann

    —and incidently regarding that crack about marriage in Alabama. If that married couple DOES get divorced, they can still be brother and sister!

  18. Adrian

    “Bittersweet”… that´s how I can understand Mr. Clarkson´s humour, which always leave a smile on my face. As a TV character, in my personal rank, he took the beloved position of Homer Simpson. That means a lot.

  19. David

    Randall is the definition of a tosser, he wouldn’t understand Clarkson …… Clarkson has a sense of humour ….. and Yanks don’t

    As for Clarkson on France ” I adore France, there is only one problem with France is full of Franchmen!!” perfect!!

  20. Walnut

    To be fair, we are all open to our opinions, and if you think you norway people have it bad, you should hear some stuff he says about german engineering. He also didn’t state his final conclusion on what each country gives on the side of engineering or invention.

    He has so much money because he is what the public want, he’s turned Topgear into more of a family get together whilst still taking the piss out of people and making it funny at the same time.

    You cannot state that he is wrong on what he says because it is his opinion, and because of all the cars he has driven i would give him a higher upper hand than everyone on this topic as you seem to have driven less of the best cars and maybe a few minor cars.

    If you want pure info that is not tainted in being biased against something a) do not watch eurovision, b) watch 5thgear. But be warned. They go on about the Maclaren F1 1/3 shows nearly or only seem to compare most cars with that old beast. Which is not very good seeing as i do not want to see a normally priced car compared with something 100 times more expensive that i would have to sell a third nipple for.

  21. christine krogstad

    Lived in Tennessee most of my life and now reside in Norway. A little cultural info for the Brits. Southerners, Rednecks, etc. do not call themselves Yanks. ‘Thems fightin’ words. Yanks (yankees) are those bastards up north and on the east coast who started the Civil War and still make the US look prissy. I must admit though, never had a high opinion of the state of Alabama. Armpit of the South.

    Loved the Jeremy Clarkson review of Norway. It is scary to drive through northern Scandinavia without many road signs and wonder what will become of you if you hit a moose or run out of gas when the last gas station you saw was 2 hours back. Had not occured to me that the reason there are no fat people could be due to the ‘Norwegian Walk’. And the language differences between Engelsk og Norsk, well….makes for an amusing life.

  22. christine krogstad

    Lots of vulgar examples, but my favorite is Farts. Completely different meanings and one of the few consistencies seen on road signs in Norway. Have not gotten a ‘fart’ ticket and hope I never do. And for English travellers: Do not go IN the UTfart.

  23. xxx Bethany xxx

    I think Jeremy Clarkson is funny, the man is hillarius! His reviews are fabulous, I think he is probably one of the very few who will actually give an honest opinion about cars and his book “The world according to Clarkson” shows just how funny he can be! Top Gear rocks my world! I absolutly love it! I have to watch the series DVD’s at least 3 times a day to prevent me from having withdrawal :) and i cant go without my daily dose of the Bugatti Veyron 16.4 or the Porsche 911 :)

    Clarkson Rocks…. as does Richard Hammond

  24. Mothra

    the San Francisco taxi driver who told me last year that “pretty soon the whole world will play American football and soccer will die”,/i>

    That’s funny on sooo many levels!

  25. frodo

    Can anyone give me any links to Jeremy’s articles, apart from Times Online, please.

  26. Jezzabelle

    Jezza is wickedly funny, and it’s so refreshing to find someone with the balls to be unPC, in a world where everyone seems to tred on egg shells. He is also intelligent enough to know that un-PC sells.
    He is always really eloquent in his arguement, and writes superbly.
    Frodo, the Top Gear magazine site has some of his work. http://www.topgear.com/ but then I expect you know that already, as it’s the most obvious site to look on!
    Love him or hate him, you can’t deny that Jeremy is a very clever man.

  27. tracey

    Jezzabelle! is that veryjezzabelle from HH?
    A lot of Americans don’t like Jeremy Clarkson because he speaks his mind and sods the consequences, and at the same time is incredibly funny. These are qualities found in only a small minority of Americans. I feel this is due to the middle christian upbringing and the government. They are prohibited from exposing their true feelings, and also their boobs.
    There needs to be a USA wide campaign to lighten up and get with it. Being naked is not shameful, it’s natural.
    James May drove naked once.
    (Wish I’d been there!) hee hee

  28. Harry

    Jeremy Clarkson has been accused of many things; many of them are true, such as his blatant stereotyping of nations and disregard for the environment… but who cares! It is not likes he pretends he is a greenie or likes Germans. For the record he has huge respect for German engineering, he just thinks it’s a shame they are born without souls! BUT! The biggest misconception people accept about him is that he abuses people in order to compensate for his own inadequacies. This can only be believed by, I know it’s rude, Americans, come on, don’t deny it, on the whole Americans don’t like British humour for 2 reasons, its not obvious enough and you have to be able to take the piss out of yourself to enjoy it. That’s what Clarkson does, he abuses himself and the other two presenters more than anyone else, he never says that he could do any better; he just says that there are others out there who not only can make a better car but have made better cars. He never puts other people lower than himself, and if that is how you view his shows and articles you indeed posess no sense of humour at all! Its called subtle, you should try it some time! There is alot of sarcasm in his material and people really need to start picking it up and stop being so petty and getting so offended.

    Did you know that another, edited version is released to the US, and only the US with a whole lot of words changed so that the clever yankies can understand that a shop is the same as a store and mom is spelt with a “u” and that in other magical places gasoline is called “petrol”, they also remove the parts where he REALLY lets rip into yanks!

    I’m an aussie, and I loved his review on the monaroand I dont care if he says we havent achieved anything, in fact I find it hilarious! Thats because Australians know how to not take themselves too seriously.

    Oh and by the way Redneck Randall is the perfect example of an American who seriously needs to be able to take himself ALOT less seriously!

  29. lasse who lives in norway

    NORWAY ROX were the best and the richest country in the world that’s all iv’e got to say

  30. Mick

    As a half norwegan living in britian….i agree its incredibly expensive, and yes the review should be veiwed with a sense of humor.

  31. Joey

    BTW: Norway also contributed the aerosol spray can and the MVC software architecture.

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