Category Archives: Humour

Jeremy Clarkson reviews Norway

Jeremy Clarkson of BBC’s Top Gear reviews Norway (oh, and the Mercedes ML 320).

Perhaps difficulty with communication is why the hotel room in which I stayed had a fold-out whiteboard nailed above the bed: so guests can use diagrams and cave drawings to explain to their girlfriends what they have in mind next.

I can’t imagine the whiteboard is for any sort of management meeting because in the whole of human history Norway’s only contributions have been the paperclip and the cheese slicer. Only Australia has achieved less, with the rotary washing line.

The worst thing about this car, though, is the gearlever. It’s mounted on the steering column, a system popularised in America when teenage boys and girls needed to cuddle up at the drive-in. But ignored in Europe because we tend to get out of the car to watch films. And have sex.

The verdict, then, on the M-class is pretty much the same as my verdict on Norway. Efficient and good fun, but odd and too expensive.

“Help, please”

Found this in my inbox today:

Hi, Jon! I feel very excited when I write this e-mail for contact you, you’re very very smart person!. I’m an universitary student, I have a big problem, I hope that you can help me, please, You’re my only hope . In this semester at my university, I’m very very bad with the academic result, I dissaprove 3 courses, I’m so much to get depressed. Never in my life I dissaprove so much courses, because I’m study so much, but definitely I don’t have lucky, it’s the only reason for this academic disaster. At previous semesters, my marks are good. I don’t know if you can modify this marks at the Intranet of the university and next with much security I help you with something that you ask me, but that it’s at my reach. Please answer me fast, before the 25th of December, because for this dates, the academic results are deliver to my fathers. And if my father see this marks, they’ll kill me with much security, moreover I compromised with a enterprise for work, and this academic results had seen for with bad eyes for the enterprise.

Hilarious.

VLC fortunes

<Dnumgis> someone is not releasing a p_vout object correctly
<tooney> it’s not me
<tooney> i was not there this afternoon
* Meuuh looks in his pockets

<bozo> you really shouldn’t have touched a computer when you were a little boy
<stef> _it_ came to me

<vektor> so, i think it’s time for a mass exodus to libdvdcss.
<taaz> ack! hold on a minute
<vektor> what?
<vektor> did you feel a great disturbance in the force?

There’s more where that came from.

I like monkeys

I keep falling off my chair whenever I read this story

I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one drive. His name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in their genitals. I laughed. Then they punched my genitals. I stopped laughing.